G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009) - Starring Channing Tatum, Dennis Quaid, Christopher Eccleston, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Sienna Miller, Marlon Wayans, Rachel Nicols, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Byung-hun Lee, Ray Park. Written by Stuart Beattie, David Elliot, and Paul Elliot. Story by Michael Gordon, Stuart Beattie, and Stephen Sommers. Directed by Stephen Sommers. Rated PG-13. Available on DVD.
G.I. Joe is a mess of a movie full of guns, explosions, ninjas, mind-control, girls wearing leather suits with lots of cleavage, people walking impressively in a straight line, and more explosions. It's everything a 12-year old boy could ask for. You can't blame it too much for pandering to its direct demographic.
The worst parts of this movie, other than the lack of any real logic, is how it tries to connect all the characters. It feels like everyone has a backstory that connects them to someone on the opposite side of the conflict. Most of this is completely unnecessary. The film also suffers by making none of their characters very interesting. People are either obviously good, obviously bad, or are under mind control. The one person who is good but becomes evil doesn't even really have a clear reason why he does so. Some of the designs in the movie are quite terrible, the Cobra Commander mask the most so. Christopher Eccleston is quite menacing as the villain, until he becomes delegated to a henchman. Channing Tatum, however, gives the worst performance in my opinion of any movie that I've seen him in.
Just know going in what G.I. Joe is. After all, knowing is half the battle.
Rating: 1.5 out of 5.
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